I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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