we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
