I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
