Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
