if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
foreskin is a definite game changer
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
