I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
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The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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