you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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