tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
my poor anus
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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