I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
