I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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