she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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