We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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