She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
