WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
