you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just google imaged poop.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
