Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
