Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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