Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You have to summon your inner elephant
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
