He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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