i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
