so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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