he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
