thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
