my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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