i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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