under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
