you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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