my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
