shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
