I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
