I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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