Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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