I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
