just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
