Say something about gay babies.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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