I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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