You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My ATM looks so different sober.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
