I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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