Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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