please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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