i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
