And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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