On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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