haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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