I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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