so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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