guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sorry my hands just texted you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
