So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
