i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
