So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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