i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
