respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
