I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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