So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
