A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
