no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
