she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
