laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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