I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
