her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
