Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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