this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
