I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
