Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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