i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
