Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Porn is love you can see.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
