I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize