i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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