You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do vagina's smell?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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