We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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