Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
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I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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